Here is a link to the preaching I referenced in my first post about Thorns in the Flesh. The music is wonderful, but if you just want to hear the preaching, it starts at about the 54 minute mark.
A Thorn in the Flesh
Monday, November 18, 2019
Thursday, November 14, 2019
My Rose
I have Chronic Lyme Disease.
There, I said it. And it probably felt more dramatic to me than it does to any of you. Believe it or not, I avoid drama. I don't like it- I never have. Yet it seems I have lived a life that could be featured on any daytime talk show. So I avoid anything that speaks of drama in my life. And Lyme Disease- well, it feels like a lot of drama.
Because, of course, I didn't find a tick, get Lyme,take thirty days of antibiotics and its gone. No, I got Lyme and did not know it. And it has laid dormant for however many years. Or so it appeared. But in all that time, unbeknownst to me, it was reproducing and digging deeper into my body. And now there isn't an easy cure. Now I will likely have it for the rest of my life while I fight to get into, and then stay in, remission.
For ten or more years, we have sought answers to increasing fatigue and health issues. I've been told by doctors that I simply have too busy of a life or too many children. That it's a vitamin deficiency or depression or all in my mind. In the course of that time, it has been discovered that I have Chronic Epstein Barr Virus (EBV), that I have a mold toxicity, that I have a genetic mutation that makes it difficult for me to detox from such things as mold, that my iron is too high, that I have a gluten sensitivity, and on and on.
Many days, one of the most challenging things I do is make myself get out of bed in the morning. Thankfully, I have never had a day that I couldn't- but it is often a battle. Other days, I have trouble putting my thoughts together, finding my words, expressing what I really mean. There are nights that I have laid awake, wondering if I should wake my husband to take me to the hospital because of this strange pain or that. There are times I have begged the Lord not to take me home yet- and others that I've felt more than ready. See- dramatic much? 😕 But the effects of Late Stage Lyme are no joke.
I've driven hours to specialists. We've spent more money than I care to think about in pursuit of this "thing". I've taken supplements that I can't pronounce. I've tried every eating plan that has been suggested. I avoid places that have known toxins. And I seem to improve for a bit. Then I get worse for a bit. But I rebound and get better... only these days, each "better" never seems to be as "better" as the last.
And then this past summer I was led to a doctor that was only 45 minutes from home. I sent a stack of lab results ahead and was thrilled when they seemed prepared with a plan from the moment I walked in the door. There was a sense of relief that someone was going to figure this out. They did another slew of labwork (22 vials of blood, if I remember correctly).
I went back for my results appointment. And that is when they confirmed that every diagnosis I had previously received was correct, but they had another to add. Chronic Lyme Disease.
I knew very little about Lyme. We all know to avoid ticks, etc. I never recall having a tick or a red bullseye. It turns out that many people don't.
As we worked through my lab results, she identified some cellular issues that needed to be corrected before we could attack the Lyme. I was sent home with another bag of expensive supplements, a new nutritional plan, and an appointment for a month later. I was also sent home with a sense of hope that FINALLY we had gotten to the root cause and we would soon be coming up with a plan of attack. Knowledge is power, right?
The week before my next appointment, I received an email that the doctor was retiring but would be keeping all appointments through the remainder of the month. I was disappointed, but relieved to know that I would be able to get a plan in place. Two days before my appointment, I received a phone call that that was no longer the case and they were canceling all appointments.
That was several months ago. I've tried to stick to the nutritional plan (but honestly, when you lose hope of treatment, it is hard to stick to anything) and I've continued to take the supplements they told me I needed. But I have floated along in a fog of "what to do?" Where do I go from here?
I fight a battle within myself- both to continue to walk through my life, doing and being to the best of my ability; but also feeling alone and battle weary.
::sigh::
And then we had Revival meetings at our church. And one of the messages was on the thorn in the flesh. Paul asked the Lord to remove his. I've begged the Lord to heal me. For Paul, that was not the Lord's plan. And it doesn't seem to be for me, either. But that was a turning point for me in my own thinking.
As I really reflected about thorns and where they grow, I thought about the beauty of the rose. And that is where the title of this blog comes from.
We all know that roses have thorns, which can puncture, scrape, damage. But thorns have roses, too, which have beauty and fragrance and bring happiness. I know there are roses in this diagnosis, this thorn that has transformed my life. But I haven't been looking for the roses.
God is so good. And I know that He will use all things for good... And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
And I know that His thoughts toward me are beyond my comprehension. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
All I want is to honor and glorify Him with my life. Dramatic or not, this is the lot I have been given. And God didn't allow this in my life to harm me. He gave it to me as a tool to glorify Him. Sometimes I need to remind myself of that.
So, if you have stuck with me this far, I have Lyme Disease. But I also have a loving God. And He is good, all the time. I am so blessed. There is no better rose than the one I have been given. I'm standing on the threshold of hope, if for no other reason than my story- the one God is writing for me- will give Him glory.
There, I said it. And it probably felt more dramatic to me than it does to any of you. Believe it or not, I avoid drama. I don't like it- I never have. Yet it seems I have lived a life that could be featured on any daytime talk show. So I avoid anything that speaks of drama in my life. And Lyme Disease- well, it feels like a lot of drama.
Because, of course, I didn't find a tick, get Lyme,take thirty days of antibiotics and its gone. No, I got Lyme and did not know it. And it has laid dormant for however many years. Or so it appeared. But in all that time, unbeknownst to me, it was reproducing and digging deeper into my body. And now there isn't an easy cure. Now I will likely have it for the rest of my life while I fight to get into, and then stay in, remission.
For ten or more years, we have sought answers to increasing fatigue and health issues. I've been told by doctors that I simply have too busy of a life or too many children. That it's a vitamin deficiency or depression or all in my mind. In the course of that time, it has been discovered that I have Chronic Epstein Barr Virus (EBV), that I have a mold toxicity, that I have a genetic mutation that makes it difficult for me to detox from such things as mold, that my iron is too high, that I have a gluten sensitivity, and on and on.
Many days, one of the most challenging things I do is make myself get out of bed in the morning. Thankfully, I have never had a day that I couldn't- but it is often a battle. Other days, I have trouble putting my thoughts together, finding my words, expressing what I really mean. There are nights that I have laid awake, wondering if I should wake my husband to take me to the hospital because of this strange pain or that. There are times I have begged the Lord not to take me home yet- and others that I've felt more than ready. See- dramatic much? 😕 But the effects of Late Stage Lyme are no joke.
I've driven hours to specialists. We've spent more money than I care to think about in pursuit of this "thing". I've taken supplements that I can't pronounce. I've tried every eating plan that has been suggested. I avoid places that have known toxins. And I seem to improve for a bit. Then I get worse for a bit. But I rebound and get better... only these days, each "better" never seems to be as "better" as the last.
And then this past summer I was led to a doctor that was only 45 minutes from home. I sent a stack of lab results ahead and was thrilled when they seemed prepared with a plan from the moment I walked in the door. There was a sense of relief that someone was going to figure this out. They did another slew of labwork (22 vials of blood, if I remember correctly).
I went back for my results appointment. And that is when they confirmed that every diagnosis I had previously received was correct, but they had another to add. Chronic Lyme Disease.
I knew very little about Lyme. We all know to avoid ticks, etc. I never recall having a tick or a red bullseye. It turns out that many people don't.
As we worked through my lab results, she identified some cellular issues that needed to be corrected before we could attack the Lyme. I was sent home with another bag of expensive supplements, a new nutritional plan, and an appointment for a month later. I was also sent home with a sense of hope that FINALLY we had gotten to the root cause and we would soon be coming up with a plan of attack. Knowledge is power, right?
The week before my next appointment, I received an email that the doctor was retiring but would be keeping all appointments through the remainder of the month. I was disappointed, but relieved to know that I would be able to get a plan in place. Two days before my appointment, I received a phone call that that was no longer the case and they were canceling all appointments.
That was several months ago. I've tried to stick to the nutritional plan (but honestly, when you lose hope of treatment, it is hard to stick to anything) and I've continued to take the supplements they told me I needed. But I have floated along in a fog of "what to do?" Where do I go from here?
I fight a battle within myself- both to continue to walk through my life, doing and being to the best of my ability; but also feeling alone and battle weary.
::sigh::
And then we had Revival meetings at our church. And one of the messages was on the thorn in the flesh. Paul asked the Lord to remove his. I've begged the Lord to heal me. For Paul, that was not the Lord's plan. And it doesn't seem to be for me, either. But that was a turning point for me in my own thinking.
As I really reflected about thorns and where they grow, I thought about the beauty of the rose. And that is where the title of this blog comes from.
We all know that roses have thorns, which can puncture, scrape, damage. But thorns have roses, too, which have beauty and fragrance and bring happiness. I know there are roses in this diagnosis, this thorn that has transformed my life. But I haven't been looking for the roses.
God is so good. And I know that He will use all things for good... And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
And I know that His thoughts toward me are beyond my comprehension. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
All I want is to honor and glorify Him with my life. Dramatic or not, this is the lot I have been given. And God didn't allow this in my life to harm me. He gave it to me as a tool to glorify Him. Sometimes I need to remind myself of that.
So, if you have stuck with me this far, I have Lyme Disease. But I also have a loving God. And He is good, all the time. I am so blessed. There is no better rose than the one I have been given. I'm standing on the threshold of hope, if for no other reason than my story- the one God is writing for me- will give Him glory.
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